Guarding Your Tongue: The Hidden Cost of Oversharing and How to Protect Your Peace
- Janette Owens
- Aug 18
- 4 min read
Your words are powerful. They can heal, encourage, and inspire. But they can also wound, expose, and create burdens you never intended to carry. Many of us have been guilty of oversharing: spilling our private thoughts, struggles, or dreams to people who aren’t prepared to handle them. While vulnerability is a strength, it becomes a weakness when we place it in the wrong hands.
This is not about staying silent or bottling up your emotions. It’s about learning when to guard your tongue so your story isn’t misused, misunderstood, or mishandled.
The Weight of Words and Why They Matter
Your words are seeds. Once planted, they grow in someone else’s mind and heart, and you can’t control what they do with them. Oversharing is not just “talking too much,” it’s giving unfiltered access to your heart, history, or plans without first discerning whether the listener is willing, able, or worthy to carry that responsibility.
Why Oversharing Happens
A Desire for Connection. Sometimes, we spill too much because we’re craving closeness or validation. When we’re lonely or in need of affirmation, it’s tempting to open the floodgates, hoping someone will “get” us.
We’re carrying unhealed wounds. Pain seeks relief, and speaking about it feels like releasing some of the weight. When we hurt, we might overshare as a way to seek comfort or understanding.
We haven’t built healthy boundaries. If we haven’t learned to say “that’s not for everyone to know,” we’ll treat private matters like public announcements. Without limits, we treat every person as if they’ve earned our trust.
We mistake kindness for capacity. A friendly smile can make us assume someone is safe, but safe for a conversation doesn’t always mean safe for our hearts.
The Hidden Costs of Oversharing
Imagine you tell a co-worker every detail of your divorce because they seemed “nice.” Months later, you find your story floating around the office, said without context or compassion. The hurt deepens, not just from betrayal, but from realizing you handed them the material—the costs of oversharing.
Relational Costs
Betrayal. Not everyone will protect your story. Some may repeat it, twist it, repeat it, use it against you, or share it for their gain.
Judgment. People may form opinions about you based on a moment in your life instead of your whole journey.
Emotional Exhaustion. Reliving painful events over and over in conversations drains you.
2. Personal Costs
Loss of privacy. Once your story is out, you can’t pull it back.
Missed opportunities for healing. Oversharing with the wrong people can deepen wounds rather than heal them.
Delayed growth. Constantly venting can keep you from sitting with your feelings in God’s presence or with wise counsel who can genuinely help.
Imagine you tell a co-worker every detail of your divorce because they seemed “nice.” Months later, you find your story floating around the office, said without context or compassion. The hurt deepens. It doesn't deepen just from betrayal, but from realizing you handed them the material.
When Guarding Your Tongue is Wisdom
Guarding your tongue is not about hiding who you are. It’s about protecting the sacred parts of your life until you know the soil is fertile for your words. Your words are seeds. Once planted, they grow in someone else’s mind and heart, and you can’t control what they do with them.
Before sharing, ask yourself:
Does this person have the maturity to steward my vulnerability?
Is this the right time and place?
Am I sharing for healing or attention?
If this gets repeated, can I live with it?
The Positive Side of Healthy Sharing
When we choose our audience and timing wisely, sharing becomes life-giving.
It protects your peace. You can be authentic without being exposed.
It builds genuine trust. You form deeper connections with people who have proven their loyalty.
It strengthens your testimony. Sharing from a place of healing rather than raw hurt can inspire and help others.
It honors God’s timing. Sometimes the lesson in your story is still unfolding, and sharing too soon robs it of its full impact.
The Stewardship of Vulnerability
Not everyone is capable or qualified to carry your heart. Vulnerability is holy. It’s a sacred gift, not something to hand out without thought. Think of it like placing a priceless jewel in someone’s care. You wouldn’t give it to just anyone. You’d make sure they had the ability and intention to protect it.
Proverbs 18:21 (NIV) says: “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” — (NIV)
Your words create ripple effects in your life and in the lives of those who hear them. That’s why stewardship of your speech is just as important as stewardship of your resources, relationships, and time.
Practical Steps to Guard Your Tongue
Here are five practical steps to guard your tongue:
Pause before you speak. Give yourself a moment to weigh whether this is the right time, place, and person.
Test the soil. Share small, less vulnerable details first to see how someone handles them.
Seek wise counsel. Share your heart with trusted friends, mentors, or faith leaders who have proven they can handle it.
Journal first. Writing helps you process without prematurely handing your pain to the wrong audience.
Pray for discernment. Ask God to guide you in knowing when to speak and when to be silent.
Your story is not for everyone. Your pain is not public property. Your healing is too precious to hand over carelessly. Guard your tongue, not out of fear, but out of wisdom. When the time and the person are right, your words will carry the power to heal, inspire, and bring glory to God.
Comment below if this post resonated with you, or share a time when "oversharing" cost you something.
Janette Owens is the founder of Be Inspired For Real and owner of Be Inspired For Real LLC. She loves everything inspirational and has spent most of her life inspiring and motivating others through humor, prose, exhortation, and God's grace. Janette is the author of A Swan Song, an intimate collection of poems and short stories. Janette lives in Olive Branch, Mississippi.
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