If You Don’t Deal with Your Trauma, Your Trauma Will Deal with You
- Janette Owens
- 1 hour ago
- 4 min read
I am telling you from the heart, if you do not deal with your trauma, your trauma will deal with you. Emotional wounds do not fade away simply because we refuse to talk about them. They do not vanish when we get busy, start a new relationship, or throw ourselves into work. Trauma waits. It hides until something triggers it, and then it bursts out in ways that can leave us and the people around us hurt, confused, and drained.
You cannot ignore pain and expect peace.
When you leave trauma unaddressed, it can affect how you see yourself, how you relate to others, and how you experience God. Sometimes you may not even realize it is happening.
How Unhealed Trauma Shows Up in Everyday Life
Unresolved emotional wounds can show up in places you never intended:
In your relationships: Snapping at people you love over minor issues, shutting down during conversations, avoiding intimacy, or attaching yourself to people who treat you poorly because it feels familiar.
In your decisions: Playing it safe because the thought of failure or rejection feels unbearable, or sabotaging opportunities because deep down you do not believe you deserve them.
In your faith: Struggling to trust God because you are used to being let down by people, or avoiding prayer because you feel unworthy.
That is not living. That is surviving. And God did not call you only to survive.
The Truth: You Cannot Heal What You Will Not Acknowledge
The first step toward healing is admitting that you need it. This is not weakness. It is strength. Pretending that you are fine when you are not only delays the process.
Remember, your healing is not for the people who hurt you. It is for you. And when you do the work, you break patterns that could be passed down to your children, friends, or community.
Three Steps to Begin the Healing Process
1. Find Healthy Ways to Cope
It's tempting to reach for quick fixes like food, alcohol, endless scrolling, or burying yourself in busyness. These may numb the pain for a while, but they never heal it.
Instead, choose outlets that actually help you process what you are feeling:
Journaling your thoughts and emotions without censoring yourself
Taking prayer walks and speaking openly to God
Seeing a licensed therapist or counselor
Engaging in creative outlets such as painting, singing, or music
Healthy coping is not about avoiding the pain. It is about creating safe ways to move through it and grow from it.
2. Improve Your Communication Skills
Unhealed trauma can make healthy communication feel impossible. You may avoid speaking up because you fear conflict, or you may explode because you have held your feelings in for too long. Healing helps you find balance.
Practice statements like:
“I hear you, but here is how I feel…”
“I am not comfortable with that, and here is why.”
You can stand up for yourself without attacking others. You can protect your peace without becoming silent.
3. Stand Firm in Your Values
Trauma may tempt you to compromise your beliefs to keep the peace, avoid rejection, or fit in.
True healing teaches you that you do not have to lose yourself to be loved or respected.
For example, if you grew up in a home where emotions were dismissed, you may struggle to express yourself now. Healing could look like saying, “I am feeling overwhelmed right now. I need time to think before we continue this conversation.” That is growth. That is self-respect.
Resources to Help You Heal
You are not alone, and you do not have to figure it out by yourself. Here are some starting points:
Therapy Directories: PsychologyToday.com and TherapyForBlackGirls.com
Crisis Support: Call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline)
Books: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, Try Softer by Aundi Kolber, Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
Faith-Based Support: Church counseling ministries, prayer partners, Celebrate Recovery groups
Journaling Prompts:
“What am I feeling right now?”
“When did I first feel this way?”
“What does healing look like for me?”
The Spiritual Side of Healing
Healing is not only emotional work. It is spiritual work. God desires you to be whole. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God is not intimidated by your pain. He will sit with you in it, walk you through it, and give you the strength to release it.
But you have to trust Him.
When you bring your wounds to Him, you are not revealing something He does not already know. You are giving Him permission to heal what has been hidden for too long.
The Bottom Line
Healing doesn't mean forgetting what happened or pretending it didn't hurt. It means taking your power back. It means choosing to live instead of only surviving. It means becoming the person God intended you to be before the hurt happened.
If you do not deal with your trauma, your trauma will deal with you. The longer you wait, the deeper the roots grow.
Your healing matters. Do not let another day pass with wounds you were never meant to carry alone. Start your journey now. Pray. Journal. Reach out for help. Your future is worth the effort, and your story is not over.
Share your thoughts in the comments or tell us one step you are taking today toward healing.
Janette Owens is the founder of Be Inspired For Real and owner of Be Inspired For Real LLC. She loves everything inspirational and has spent most of her life inspiring and motivating others through humor, prose, exhortation, and God's grace. Janette is the author of A Swan Song, an intimate collection of poems and short stories. Janette lives in Olive Branch, Mississippi.
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